Joe Biden has today announced a giant package to help those who have fallen upon tougher times.

The new President has revealed a trillion-dollar bailout for the Hedge Funds negatively affected by the GameStop Financial Crisis (GFC) and wasted little time in assuring Wall Street that the new administration has his full support.

A number of hedge funds, who use high net worth individuals’ money to try and make a lot more money, have lost huge amounts of money over the last few days with the GameStop stock that they aggressively shorted rocketing to the moon.

While most of the 99% looked on with glee, the man who was second in charge during a fair share of the time that trillion’s of dollars in bailouts were handed out, has taken it upon himself to protect the most important people in American society.

“This bailout is for the honest, hard-working hedge fund people who should be assured of making money,” said Biden today.

“We spent trillions of taxpayer’s money to bail out giant financial institutions who finally had their irresponsible business practices come back to bite them, and it’s only fair we do the same in this latest crisis.”

“That’s what US administrations do.”

“Ensure that large organisations who control the financial system and demand to be left unregulated get support from the taxpayer when things go south – just like the previous GFC.”

“So, it’s only fair that these hedge funds, who once again were more irresponsible with money be helped out by the taxpayer without repercussion.”

“And at least they haven’t ruined the global economy with their rampant and unchecked greed this time.”

Biden revealed that the trillion-dollar package is set to be rolled out in the coming weeks with no demands for greater regulation or change to business practices.

Unlike the time two people went to jail for ruining countless people’s lives after the first GFC, thankfully no one is set to go to jail this time.


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