Weird Old Bloke In Smokers Really Keen To Share Some Opinions

JONTY SPEEDMAN | Culture | CONTACT

The local creep in the smoker’s area of the Royal Commerical Railway Hotel has tonight made a valiant effort to share his severely unhinged opinions.

Gav, as he is known to almost everyone, is aged somewhere between 60 and 80, and is renowned for making both regulars and newcomers the RoCoRa incredibly uncomfortable with stories from his youth and opinions on everything from immigration to almond milk.

Upon seeing a group of coastal newcomers pop in to check the grand pub out, Gav’s eyes reportedly lit up, hobbling his way over to their table while muttering a rehearsed opening line he’d been practising all afternoon.

“You blokes aren’t from around here, are ya?”, he asked.

“Yeah yous must be a couple of softies from town, right?”

What followed was 35 minutes of uninterrupted back-handed commentary, covering key topics of how “the government doesn’t do shit for anyone”, as well as how “big ticket pricks like Bill Gates have softened yous up”.

Ashley West, one of the poor sods forced to endure the gruelling lecture, gave comment after she was able to escape Gav to grab another drink.

“Genuinely what the fuck was that bloke on about?”

“Me and my mates were just here for a few beers and to check out the joint, and this old dog starts rambling off about how pathetic we all are.”

“Fuck off mate.”

Hotel bartender Paul Skunar admitted to The Advocate that Gav has been driving business away for years now, with no sign of slowing down.

“I’ve had coworkers sacked because of that bloke.”

“We tried to ban him once, but somehow he magically returned to the smokers that afternoon.”

More to come.