LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

And they say value is dead!

Australian grocery shoppers (ie people) have been advised to take advantage of a limited-time offer where all trips to the shops will now come with a free story about how no one there was social distancing.

This announcement comes off the back of purchasing limits being reintroduced in some supermarkets to help flatten the second wave of panic buying.

“We would prefer people to social distance in our stores but when they don’t, that’s a story the customer gets from us, completely for free,” stated Woolworths spokesperson Sian Smyth.

“Children are coming in to collect Ushies, Shopables and other things it fucking hurts to step on, but mum and dad are now going home with something too.” 

Reviews of the free stories have been mixed to positive with the private Facebook group ‘Aldi Mums’ is full of shoppers sharing their complementary stories. 

“The stories always involve the storyteller being in the right although there are several different archetypes including an old couple taking up the whole aisle or someone touching every avocado before just buying guacamole.” 

“We hope people collect the set.” 



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here