ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A token office Pom revealed to The Advocate today that for the past year, he’s been asked by locals if he’s thankful to have had the chance to ride the spicy cough pandemic out here in Australia, rather than his native London.

Maurice Clockhouse, of the French Quarter, has been living in Australia for nearly 20 years and says that while he is thankful for the life this country has given him, he doesn’t feel thankful to the ‘brainless pillocks’ who demand his thanks personally.

“Yeah sure, I’m glad I’m not in London right now,” said the 39-year-old recruitment consultant.

“It’s winter and there’s a savage pandemic on there and thousands of old northern neanderthals are dying. Doing what Thatcher couldn’t, this spicy cough is doing,”

“But yeah, sure. I am thankful Australia has given me such a nice life but fuck you, pal. I’m English until I die. I’m not thankful for some bogan yelling at me about being from London. How about you take my thanks and shove it up your arse, bogan. Up and around the corner like you’re a condom full of eccies getting smuggled into the Reading Festival, you wanker.”

More to come.


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