KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
The comedians on the board of Australia’s largest airport are in hysterics this morning, after another successful weekend clogging up major arterial roadways in Sydney. An international airport notorious for its awful infrastructure and planning, it’s understood members of the board have recently found particular comedic value in implementing an express lane pickup system that funnels four lanes of traffic into a carpark the size of a tennis court.
Gathering this morning for their tri-monthly meeting, The Advocate understands high-flying members of the management team kicked off proceedings by watching a 10 minute highlights reel captured over the weekend by airport security cameras.
Soundtracked by the Benny Hill theme song, The Advocate reports the reel featured a “Best Of” collection of frustrated motorists attempting to pick up loved ones, prangs in the airport car park and the cherished “Man gets out his vehicle to start a punch on in stand-still traffic”.
Rubbing his belly between cackles, Chief Management Officer Robert Higglebottom was heard screaming with laughter after seeing his favourite clip of a man kicking a boom gate intercom system, “Ahaha wait rewind it, is that a bloke trying to argue with the boom gate operator?” cackled Higglebottom.
“His 15-minute express ticket must have expired, and now he has to pay $60 hahaha!!”
After gathering himself, Higglebottom told our reporter that it was worth appreciating the poorly designed airport before the scheduled opening of Badgerys Creek in 2026, which will most likely be pushed back until 2036.
“Once that second airport opens up, it’ll ease some congestion here at Mascot and we won’t have as much comedy gold to watch every week.”
“Having said that, my brother-in-law is on the planning committee so he can probably hook me up to come in with a “Chief Advisory” role!”
“I might finally live out my fantasy of watching three Western Sydney motorways converge into a car park with a 5 minute limit, and cars that don’t exit on time have their wheels locked.”
“Then we’ll see some proper fireworks!”