A local Newtown woman is quietly seething this afternoon it can be confirmed.

This comes after the running of the Melbourne Cup saw not a single horse die out on the track.

With 18 tweets loaded up and ready to fire off in a vague way of getting back at her dad’s side of the family, Essence Charl-Oiyals said she’s actually devastated all the horses made it off the track today.

“I mean obviously equine welfare is something that is of paramount importance to me during the first week of November, but it’s kind of frustrating for the cause that none of them died in front of the nation,” explained Charl-Oiyals.

“This nation of bogans will just carry on thinking that their binge drinking fuelled idea of a fun afternoon is totally acceptable.”


“I had so many good tweets to fire off to all of the people who think the same thing as me on my twitter.”

The full-time film studies student then explained that she’s praying one of the horsies dies in the next few hours or days.

“Look, it’s for the greater cause. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for one of them to die.”

“Maybe I’ll head down there and try and sneak into one of the stable and play god.”


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