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Scientists monitoring the Great Barrier Reef have revealed that the entire natural wonder was haunted by the solemn sounds of Celine Dion this afternoon, at roughly the same time as the final investment approval for the multi-billion dollar Adani mine in central Queensland was confirmed by the government.
Scientists describe the phenomenon as very similar to the final scenes in the Titanic, and can’t explain how or why Celine Dion music was playing, but say it’s probably because every form of sea life between Cairns and Yepoon will probably be dead in a couple of years.
“I guess it was just the soundtrack to end of the chapter” said one scientist, Michael
“And by this chapter, I mean the existence of the Great Barrier Reef. Which we have been telling you for years will be killed if the Adani coal mine goes ahead”
Adani is yet to confirm finance or whether it has secured a loan for rail infrastructure from the Australian and Queensland governments combined, who are in desperate need of getting 5000 more unskilled labourers to work in the environmentally catastrophic open-cut coal mine that has the potential to seriously fuck Western Queensland’s entire artesian basin, and almost certainly the remainder of the great barrier reef.
But Adani chairman, Gautam Adani, said the decision marked the “official start” of the project.
“We have been challenged by activists in the courts, in inner-city streets, and even outside banks that have not even been approached to finance the project,” Mr Adani said.
“We are still facing activists. But we are committed to this project. I just hope that Premier Annastacia does not get cold feet.”
“We must remember the potential for up to 5,000 people to live away from their families and work FIFO in this mine because our company does not want to have to deal with unionised workforces who live locally, and whats worse, unionised wives of workers”
“I also want the Premier to recognise how cushy her retirement will be”
“Remember that last old girl that ran a labor Government in Queensland? She ended up getting a job with the bankers association”