ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Carmarker Jeep has seen the writing on the wall this weekend and abandoned their efforts to sell their piece of shit Grand Cherokee model to unsuspecting and/or mentally deficient yuppies around the country.
Aside from the storm surge of cheap Chinese shitboxes on the roads now, Jeep has long epitomised what a fucking cursed motor car looks like.
In the last decade, the sale of Jeeps in Australia has slumped by 96 per cent. Meaning at long last, the wider Australian public has worked them out and now they’re packing up and leaving.
The Jeep Grand Cherokee has, in that time, shifted from being a family SUV that some respectable member of society might buy. Someone looking to ferry their family about. Someone who’s not a massive cunt so they’re not buying a BMW or a Mercedes. Someone with a bit of pride and jingoistic go about them, so they look past the limp-wristed Nissan X-Trail or whatever God-awful piece of shit Honda is putting out like the chubby yuppy’s CR-V or brain-damaged office drone’s HR-V. They’re not prepared to pay the Toyota tax and get a Prado or a gentleman’s Landcruiser. Nissan isn’t even in the picture. They’re not buying a Lexus because they can go 20 minutes without pooing their pants or forgetting their grandkid’s names. Someone who didn’t want to buy a people mover because they didn’t have clinical depression. They didn’t buy a sedan because they need to make sure that in the event of a crash, they survive and the other people die. A Jeep Grand Cherokee was once a car for the person who wasn’t any of those.
Now, you look through the heavily-tinted windows of a late model Grand Cherokee, and see either a drug dealer or someone who can’t read. Sometimes, they are the same person. The performance model, the Hemi or whatever the fuck it is, the one where they can gun it and it makes a heaps of noise and that’s about it. Everyone who drives that car is a drug dealer or wants to be a drug dealer. No two ways about it. And they’re the ones that can’t afford a Mercedes G-Wagon.
So now, the nation’s drug dealers and old fashioned morons need to find a new marque throw money at. And society is richer for it.
More to come.
