ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Sydney has once again been left in Melbourne’s dust as the Victorian capital enters further lockdown measures this week which are the harshest seen to date.

Not to be outdone by Melbourne yet again, Sydneysiders from all walks of life flocked to the most famous beach in the country over the weekend to make sure they end up in a stage four lockdown.

This masthead wants to make clear that by the term ‘Sydneysiders from all walks of life’, The Advocate means those people who live east of the harbour bridge than can largely afford to down tools again and take to social media to tell friends how they themselves are handling ‘isolation’ – and not those who live in this nation’s engine room to the west and southwest.

Speaking to our reporter this morning via mobile phone, some hairless young man from Bondi said he wasn’t about to let Melbourne get too far ahead of Sydney.

“Bondi is pretty much Melbourne but I can’t say that for the rest of this city,” said Charcoal Douglas, who explained that he got the nickname ‘Charcoal’ because he thought it sounded cool then asked his mates to start calling him that.

He also said he was wearing one of those stupid fucking hats that people like him wear.

“So me and the lads went down to the beach on the weekend and licked a bunch of doorknobs and handrails. We had a charge in the surf then went up to the pub and coughed on all the pokies,”

“Like people in Melbourne reckon they’re always two months ahead of the rest of the country but like watch this space, bruz. We’re going to be caught up with Melbourne by Friday, brez.”

The Advocate reached out to the NSW Government for comment but were told this newspaper is currently on a media blacklist.

More to come.


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