BRENDON CANVIO | Finance | Contact

Local branches of the Bank of Mum & Dad are introducing an ultra-competitive home loan package this week that it hopes will perpetuate the vicious cycle of intergenerational wealth transfer and rampant class division in modern Australian society.

The package will offer select customers complimentary accommodation while getting together that tricky deposit – then go guarantor on the property their customers want to purchase.

Speaking to The Advocate this morning, Glenn Dimple from the French Quarter branch of the Bank of Mum & Dad, said getting the initial deposit together was one of the hardest things about buying a nice property to live in.

“Most of our customers said it was difficult to save for a deposit and still enjoy life,” said Glenn.

“It’s difficult to shoehorn a tangible savings plan and budget into a cosmopolitan lifestyle. Especially here in Betoota. Add a trip overseas to that cocktail of indentured professional servitude and it becomes impossible to buy a new car, let alone an apartment,”

“So we’ve begun to offer a service to select customers where they can simply live in one of our properties for free until they have a deposit together. Once they have the loan and have moved into the property, with rates this low, that cosmopolitan lifestyle becomes possible again. Except instead of rent, it’s mortgage repayments. But it’s only for select customers.”

One of those select customers is Alistair, who recently purchased a modest property with his fiance of two years.

He explained how he moved back home to his parent’s pool cabana, with his fiance, after deciding they needed to purchase a property in order to feel validated and accepted by their peer group.

After a few short years, his dream came true.

“I know it’s not normal. I know not just anybody can be a Bank of Mum & Dad customer. But what do you want me to do?”

“Bow down upon the high altar of all mankind and repent for being born? You know what? I wish I never posted to social media that I bought that place. It’s been nothing but forced jealous smiles and cold shoulders ever since. I feel even worse than I did when I was renting.”

More to come.


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