There Are Approximately 7,159 Living Languages In Use Worldwide; Each Of Them Said "For Fuck's Sake" Overnight As Israel Breaks Ceasefire And Ruins It For Everyone

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The ceasefire was four hours old when the bombs started falling on Beirut.

Israel had announced its support for the deal. This was true. What was also true was that Israel had decided, sometime before dawn, that Lebanon was not included in it. The Pakistanis, who spent weeks brokering this now broken agreement, said Lebanon was included. The United Nations said the attacks could not go on but who cares what they think anymore right. Iran stopped tanker traffic through the Strait of Hormuz again.

Regardless, Netanyahu said he would continue doing whatever it is his government is doing in Southern Lebanon.

"For fuck's sake," said English, the world's most spoken language.

"Putain!" said French.

"Kurwa!" said Polish.

"Blyat!" said Russian.

"Cazzo!" said Italian.

"Ay, dios mio!" said Spanish, on behalf of 21 countries simultaneously.

"Lek khalas ba’a!" said Arabic, which has more skin in the game than most at the moment.

"Aiyo!" said approximately 400 million people across South and Southeast Asia, more or less at once.

That is the independent and verified conclusion of all 7,159 of the world's currently spoken languages, which arrived at essentially the same sentiment by morning in what linguists are describing as the largest moment of cross-cultural consensus in recorded history. Every tongue that survived colonisation and plague and neglect and the relentless grinding forward of time looked at the same set of facts and came up with the same thing.

The strikes hit central Beirut during morning rush hour, without warning, in busy commercial areas. Lebanon's government, held together with sticks and rubber bands, has reported over 250 dead.

Markets had soared on the ceasefire news. In Tehran, people had gathered in the streets.

Now who the hell knows what's gonna happen.

More to come.