Strait Of Hormuz Has Now Closed Down More Times Than This Local Persian Rug Store

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT

News emerging out of the Middle East has revealed that the Strait of Hormuz has closed down more times than that Persian rug outlet downtown that's always having a closing-down sale.

The comparison comes amid an ongoing cycle in which the strait is declared “completely shut”, briefly reopened during peace talks, and then almost immediately closed again once those talks collapse.

Experts say the strategically vital shipping route is beginning to operate much like its Persian counterpart in the rug trade, with every closure apparently being the final one.

The pattern began after the United States launched military action against Iran, prompting Tehran to repeatedly block the critical shipping route in retaliation.

Since then, global markets have entered a familiar cycle of panic and cautious optimism, with oil prices rising and falling depending on whether the strait is currently open, partially open, or technically open but under heavy gunfire.

“It’s basically a soft opening,” explained one analyst.

“Every few days they announce they're shutting the whole thing down. Then they open back up again like nothing happened.”

“At this point, all they're missing is a bloke out the front holding a sign that says EVERYTHING MUST GO.”

Traders report they no longer react to closure announcements with the same urgency, having now witnessed multiple “final shutdowns” reversed within days of new ceasefire negotiations.

At the time of reporting, the strait is believed to be either open, closed, or somewhere in between, depending on which country you're actually asking.