Scientists Confirm That Dreadlocks Start Forming Instantly After Your First Bump Of Ketamine

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Australian scientists at the CSIRO today released a groundbreaking study, believed to be the definitive link between dreadlocked human hair and the recreational use of horse tranquiliser. The study all but confirms that dreadlocks begin to form just several nano-seconds after a person takes their first bump of Ketamine.

Over a three year period the scientists tracked 300 Australian test subjects throughout their daily lives – each weekend, a never-ending haze of drug abuse, debauchery and comedowns for each participant.

Test subject Kevin (real name – Kev) was part of the control group of initial non-Ketamine users, and his experience was typical of the results found throughout the report.

“Almost instantly I could feel my hair slightly knot up at the bottom – it was like nothing I’d ever felt before. Next thing I know it’s three years later and I’ve been dancing in the mud for 4 days somewhere near Byron, and I’ve got dreads with stupid little beads in them down to my arse. I couldn’t believe it.”

Ella, another participant in the experiment, had a similar experience.

“I always thought you had to go to a Jamaican hairdresser or something to get these put in. Turns out all you need is a few life threatening benders after your boyfriend dumps you, and your hair just starts locking right up!”.

Ella is now a crystal healer in Brunswick.

Stay tuned for more science news.