Report: Farrer By-Election Is Going To Be A Real Shitshow

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

For years, Farrer was the kind of seat political parties kept in the china cabinet. Safe. Reliable. Only taken out on special occasions.

With the vacancy declared, what should have been a routine rural by-election has instead morphed into a full-blown political demolition derby. The Coalition isn’t so much contesting the seat as contesting itself. Liberals insisting they remain the natural custodians. Nationals sharpening their knives and reminding everyone who actually owns a pair of boots. Both glancing nervously to their right as One Nation is doing a poo in the corner of the room.

It’s less a campaign than a Mexican stand-off.

The conservative vote, once a broad, obedient river, now threatens to fracture into competing trickles. Liberals warning that splitting the vote risks chaos. Nationals replying that the chaos is already here. One Nation declaring the chaos is the point.

Hovering at the edge is an independent, buoyed by the radical proposition that voters might enjoy being listened to rather than triangulated. Having polled strongly last time, they smell opportunity in the cordite.

Labor will almost certainly run a candidate too, largely because it’s on the form. The Greens may join the fray, bringing policy pamphlets and the smooth brain confidence that no matter what happens, someone will be furious online.

By the time nominations close, Farrer could resemble a ballot paper the length of a Bunnings receipt.

From Colley and Griffith, locals are bracing for months of utes doing media stops beside irrigation channels. Every candidate will promise to “stand up for regional Australia.” Several will promise to stand up to each other. All will insist they are the only adult in the room, despite clearly sharing the same room and arguing over the thermostat.

The real theatre lies in the preference flows. If the right cannibalises itself and the middle holds, the result could hinge on second and third preferences whispered about in pubs like rainfall predictions. Canberra strategists will descend with clipboards and suddenly care deeply about Deniliquin. The Wentworth Grande Resort's Presidential Suites will finally get some proper use.

For a seat once considered dull, Farrer is about to become the most over-analysed patch of red dirt in the country.

The river will keep running. The crops will keep growing. But for a few brief, sweaty months, democracy out here will not grind quietly. It will absolutely lose its mind.

More to come.