Report: Facebook Needs To Reign It The Fuck In With These Memories

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

A recent report carried out by the Social Media Accountability Society (SMAS) has found that Facebook needs to chill the fuck out with is algorithm-generated memories from the past.

Unlike a normal human who can selectively forget the horrendous phases and actions from their past, the Facebook algorithm doesn’t forget a thing and seemingly loves reminding us of them.

This is an unfortunate and real truth that Susie McMahon has just found out after receiving a notification from Facebook alerting her to a slew of offensive, embarrassing and downright shocking Facebook statuses and wall posts from the past 9 years.

“I don’t need to be reminded of this stuff” said the now respectable woman in a management position.

“This could sink my career!”

A lawyer representing SMAS revealed that Susie was one of the people who were more severely affected by the memories that others and that she almost definitely has grounds for slander.

“It’s just not right” says Mr. Snayke, a representative

“You can’t constantly bring up a person’s past like this”

“These posts? They’re out of context, you can’t determine what she meant from a status; therefore, you can’t unequivocally prove they’re intended to cause offence.”

While technically the tone of Susie’s post can’t be determined, the contents of them is some what damning.

The Advocate has abstained from reposting Susie’s statuses and photos due to our journalistic and bipartisan integrity.

More to come.