Man With Keen Interest In Running Someone Over And Killing Them With His Car Moves To NT Because You Get A Slap On The Wrist For That Up There

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local man with a lifelong dream of killing a pedestrian with his car says he’s finally packing up and heading north, after learning that the Northern Territory justice system treats who do that about as seriously as someone getting their third DUI down here.

Friends say 28-year-old Daniel Whitworth has long spoken of his “bucket list ambition” to one day clip a pedestrian and then casually drive home while they slowly die in the gutter, but had always been put off by the thought of what the criminal justice system might do to him.

“Yeah, down here you’d get locked up proper,” said a mate.

“But up in the NT, it’s basically treated like you’re a victim, too. Couple of months inside your own house, and then you’re sweet. Hop on the dole, smoke a few cones, it’d be a paid holiday. It’s paradise for blokes like Dan.”

The move comes after recent sentencing in Darwin set what locals are describing as a “green light” for anyone keen to explore their penchants for killing people with their cars, with courts reportedly more worried about the inconvenience of goal than about people ending up dead.

Sources close to Whitworth say he’s already browsing listings for rental homes in town, specifically ones with a double garage, “so he can still get around when the other car is fucked from running people over all night.”

Legal experts have pointed out that, technically, the NT still has laws against this kind of thing. However, these appear to be applied only in the most inconvenient circumstances, such as if the offender doesn’t have a steady job or isn’t a Christian.

Whitworth, meanwhile, says he’s just excited to live somewhere his dreams are achievable.

“Everyone moves up there for the fishing, the work, the weather or the proximity to Asia. For me, it’s the soft-touch sentencing. Finally, I can live free.”

More to come.