Man Reads Label On $4 Bottle Of Brain Varnish Like It’s Going To Influence Decision To Buy It

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Like the flash on Agent J’s neuralyzer, a local man perused the selections at his local bottleshop this afternoon for a bottle of brain varnish to erase the memory of a Wednesday from hell.

Speaking candidly to The Advocate in the white wine section of the Broheme Avenue Thirsty Camel, Dylan Greeve said that he often likes to read the label before buying wine because it makes him look he knows what he’s doing.

“The biggest thing I look at when I’m buying a bottle of wine is the region, followed by the years,” he said.

He later laughed and slapped our reporter aggressively on the flank.

“Just kidding!” he gasped.

“I just look at the price. Don’t get me wrong, I love reading labels but as if it’s going to influence my decision to buy this lady petrol!”

The 29-year-old handed the bottle of brain varnish over to our reporter to inspect.

It was a 2019 The Aneurysm Reserve Mango Wine from the Cooktown wine region.

“What do you reckon? It’s 16% too, by the way.”

Our reporter’s eyebrows raised both concern and themselves.

Dylan then took the wine back and made his way to the counter.

More to come.