Local Woman Says She’s Going To Blow This Guy’s Brains All Over The Dairy Section If She Doesn’t Get Some Cocobella By 6pm Tonight

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Police have locked down the Betoota Heights Stockland Shopping Centre this afternoon after a tense stand-off in the Woolworths dairy aisle involving a frustrated shopper and a shortage of coconut yoghurt.

Witnesses say the incident began shortly after 3:15pm when a 27-year-old woman, described by onlookers as “hot but with obvious tummy problems” became agitated upon learning there was still no Cocobella on the shelves. Within minutes, police allege, she produced a Sig P365 from her Mimco clutch and told a supermarket employee that she would “blow his brains all over the dairy section if fresh stock was not produced before 6pm.

Queensland Police confirmed the entire Stockland complex has been evacuated and urged calm while negotiators work to secure a variety of  Cocobella flavours.

“We’re treating this very seriously,” said Superintendent Garry Peet.

“This is a developing situation. We’ve got units scouring every Coles, IGA and servo fridge between here and Quilpie. We’re confident we can resolve this without further escalation. We may have found some in a dumpster out the back of føtex in Danish Town.”

Special Response Squad officers have been flown in from Windorah.

As of press time, police negotiators remained in cordial dialogue with the woman, who has demanded two 500g tubs of vanilla, one passionfruit. She has refused normal yoghurt because it hurts her tummy.

The situation is ongoing.

More to come.