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After being inspired by countless publicly-educated, working-class and Catholic rugby union players, a local polo star has decided to own up to himself and his teammates by coming out to them in a touching ceremony at the Betoota Racecourse this afternoon.
Calling a team meeting late last week, Connor Sampson asked for privacy and understand after telling his fellow teammates that he was born into a working-class family.
“Not only that, fellas. Not one, but both of my parents are Catholics. We even owned a burgundy Commodore when I was a kid,” said the 29-year-old.
“And I haven’t really told you where I went to school. My high school had no boarding facilities and nearly half of the pupils were born overseas and pretty much 90% had one parent born overseas. It was a real melting pot. Real rugby league type set up. I’m sorry guys.”
However, coach John Hargrave-Combrell said he had his suspicions from the start.
“He says the letter ‘H’ like a rock-chopper,” he said.
“That and he holds his cutlery like they’re pencils. Fuck me that’s common, by the way. Makes my skin crawl. Revolting. Anyway, he’s not a bad bloke, he’s just no a P.L.U. [Person Like Us] You know what I mean? He’s good for a beer and a yarn, but you wouldn’t let him pollute your bloodline.”
The Betoota Polo Association declined to comment on the matter, but an internal investigation has been launched.
More to come.
