Local Man Pledges To Solve Lettuce Crisis By Heading Down To Shops With A Few Sewing Needles

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

A Betoota Heights man has today revealed to The Advocate that he is going to be the change he wants to see in the world.

After a frustrating trip to his local shops last night, Will Pavlic (whose name has been changed for anonymity) says he’s had enough of ‘this lettuce crisis shit.’

“I know the cost of living is following the cost of housing and it’s gone to shit because of the war in Ukraine and supply chains and yadda yadda yadda,” sighed Pavlic this morning.

“But, I’m fucking over it.”

“Paying out the nose for some of God’s Lettuce is the final straw.”

So, to combat the fact that lettuces are going for $10-20 a pop, Pavlic is taking action.

By picking up a very reasonably priced packet of sewing needles and doing a local supermarket tour.

“I’m going to be putting a needle into two lettuces at each of the 5 supermarkets in my area,” he explained.

“Like little golden tickets.”

Taking inspiration from the great needles in strawberries saga of a few years ago, Pavlic says he’s hoping the return of a few spikey bits of metal in some fresh produce could drive prices down.

“I know all the news starved media outlets will jump on it in a flash,” he explained.

“Hopefully within a few weeks we will be back to normal.”

More to come.