Kiwi Has Seen More Of Australia Than You Have

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

In an act of trans-pacific passive aggression, a visiting resident of Aotearoa has confirmed they have seen much more of Australia than you.

Known for being cooler than a jandle in a chilly bin, vanlife QueeNZlander Corey Harris rolled into Betoota yesterday and hit up our venues with the enthusiasm only someone who doesn’t live in regional Australia can have for regional pubs.

After managing a few polite conversations with some locals, Harris quickly learnt that when the topic turns to travel, many Australians still take the ‘penal colony’ approach to life on the mainland.

“Really? You’ve never been to Uluṟu?” Harris asked for the fourth time that night.

“It’s on all your posters, it’s the only big thing in this country that isn’t a massive gimmick!”

“Ut’s the ownly bug thung un thus cuntry thus usn’t uh mussuve gummuck!” mocked one Betootan who was honestly just embarrassed a guest in our country has seen far more of it than she has.

“I just assume you guys did a bit of travelling because you’re always making fun of each other. Don’t you think you should go to Perth before you say you don’t like it?”

Locals then petitioned Harris for genuine reasons to go to Perth, a question Harris is still preparing to answer at the time of writing.