LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

After being told his banter is ‘shit’, his party are ‘nutjobs’, and his wife is ‘leaving him’, United Australia Party Supporter Reiley Bridgeford (39) is ready to show these elites who is really stupid this weekend at the ballot box.

Known for annoying the fuck out of everyone, the United Australia Party is the child of billionaire mining magnate Clive Palmer, a man with an image so tarnished he was replaced by Craig Kelly as party leader. 

With a jingle that burrows in and bites your eardrum like a possessed Christmas Beetle, Palmer is reported to have spent $100 million on advertising which failed to win him a single seat and cost him $210 per vote which is more than any of the voters have ever spent on jabs in their lifetime.

According to Bridgeford he was previously a swinging voter, moving between The Nationals and One Nation when the Natios weren’t racist enough, but these days he is fully on board with the party of the people and can’t wait to see the look on your faces when Craig Kelly is PM this Saturday.

“It’s gonna wake a lot of you dumbasses up!” stated Bridgeford, not noticing the fine for not voting in his mailbox.

“You mocked us, you made fun, you dragged us through the dirt, and now you must prepare for the yellow wave of patriotism that will grab you by the soy lattes!”

Upon being told that the election happened last weekend and that his party didn’t win a single seat in the lower house, Bridgeford encouraged our reporting team to ‘do their own research’ and ‘stop believing the mainstream media.’


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