LOUIS BURKE | Investigation | CONTACT

Ask surfer Alan McKendrick (26) what he did with his morning and his response will almost always have to do with an early start, a buoyant strip of fibreglass and the untamable ocean. 

Those close to McKendrick would describe this activity as surfing but as the man himself and he will instead tell you he ‘entered the green room,’ ‘joined the dawn patrol’ or ‘schooled the Bennys.’

“Bro, clucked it on a humpback before this blow-in dropped in on us and then all we got was ankle-biters,” stated McKendrick as if he was speaking perfect English.

“In the lineup, this grom, who for the record is just framing it, tells us it was going off yesterday, absolutely macking.”

Although it is clear to McKendrick’s non-radical friends that what he is talking about is the act of surfing, what they are not sure about it why he would subject them to a Clockwork Orange-esque slew of slang that seeks to alienate those who prefer not to live as shark bait.

“Anyway, we found out which car was his and we slashed his tires.”

At the time of writing, friends of McKendrick are trying to determine whether or not ‘slashing tires’ is some Puberty Blues era slang or a literal form of beach justice.


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