As the Coalition’s Nightwatchman experiences yet another polling slump at the end of the last parliamentary sitting fortnight, it appears that Morrison’s media team are now in damage control.

While meeting with several voters on the Cronulla beach waterfront yesterday, the Prime Minister was seen proudly debuting the final boss of everyday Aussies.

The studded white leather SMP belt. A prominent late 1990’s surfwear accessory that continues to be vaguely popular amongst Gen X surfers who still enjoy doing indies into the lagoon off CountryLink bridges in front of chicks.

The Morrison government has recorded its third successive 10-point deficit in the latest Newspoll, leaving itself a near impossible task to recover before the 2019 election, which appears unlikely given one of his Federal Senators just proposed changing his gender to female so that he can berate women for having abortions without being accused of misogyny.

The Coalition’s two-party-preferred vote of 45% to Labor’s 55% in the Newspoll confirms a sustained slump, possibly related to the fact that they decided to waste their last day in Parliament for 2018 passing laws that allow cops to read through encrypted messaging apps instead of signing off on a medical evacuation for dying refugees on Nauru.

Today’s result is the first time a government has trailed by 10 points for three consecutive polls since Julia Gillard’s last three Newspolls before she was replaced by Kevin Rudd in 2013.

It is not yet known if the studded SMP belt will be enough for Morrison to convince voters that he just an everyday Aussie battler like they are, complete with the Reaganist political views and undying loyalty to pentecostal Christianity.

However analysts say if he goes as far as whipping out the Fox racing visor, he might be overdoing it.


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