Hotel staff from the Sofitel Phillipine Plaza in the famed hedonistic hotspot of Pasay are finally now able to return to work, following a frantic 12-hour mission to find the Member For Manila.

George Christensen MP, the colourful mid-North-Queensland politician, was found sunbaking on the Manila Metro tourist beach – after passing out earlier this morning from too much diet coke Kahluas.

Due to his unknown whereabouts in the streets of the Filipino capital, concierges from the hotel were unable to deliver him the news of his election win.

It is all but confirmed that Mr Christensen will be embarking on a fourth term in Canberra following a convincing swing in yesterday’s election.

The incumbent has attracted 32,534 first preference votes (43.03 per cent), which translated to a two-party preferred has Mr Christensen ahead 64.69 to 32.31 ahead of Labor candidate Belinda Hassan.

This news has come as a surprise to political analysts from both sides of the spectrum, as many thought the marginal seat would eventually return to Labor’s hands, given the reports that found Christensen has spent more time holidaying by himself in the Phillipines than he had in his own electorate throughout the last term.

The Member For Manila appeared ecstatic upon hearing the news delivered to him by Manny the concierge.

“seryoso ka?” asked the excited MP.

“iyon ay kasindak-sindak!”

“Akala ko sila ay tiyak na papunta sa akin matapos ang mga hindi kanais-nais na alingawngaw”


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