Australia’s Catholic church has today revealed they will deal with the whole deeply entrenched culture of protecting child abusers, once they fire teachers, nurses and students who are gay.

This comes after the LGBTI community vocalise their fears that the government may bolster laws permitting religious schools to discriminate against gay students and teachers as a result of the Ruddock review of religious freedoms.

Betoota’s local priest Father Ricepell has also spoke out, explicitly warned the church’s 180,000 employees they were expected to uphold its teachings “totally”, and defiance of their weird rules about gay people would result in sackings, or expulsion.

“Look, we understand the Royal Commission’s findings were concerning – but we have more pressing matters to deal with – the 20% of our clergymen who have been involved in child abuse will have to wait,” he said.

“The fact that we might have employees that want to enter a consenting same-sex relationship is the number one issue right now.”

“The rock spiders will have to be dealt with later”

“Like all other employers, the Catholic Church should be able to ensure its values are upheld by those who choose to work for the organisation.”

The Anglican Church, while declining to comment directly on employees, also emphasised the importance of protecting religious freedom and warned safeguards had “quickly unravelled” overseas while we were all so busy talking about kids getting abused in religious institutions.

Scott Morrison has reportedly told everyone to chill out dude, and that religious schools are cool.


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