Over the weekend, the Australian Electoral Commission confirmed Brisbane’s 3rd Greens candidate had been elected into Parliament, as the fall-out from the unexpected ‘Greensland’ phenomena continues to baffle both the Liberal Party and Labor.

The Division of Brisbane will become the fourth Greens seat in the 47th parliament, alongside the neighbouring Queensland electorates of Griffith and Ryan.

Absent votes counted on Saturday firmed up the 29-year-old retail worker Stephen Bates’ lead over Labor candidate Madonna Jarrett, as the incumbent Liberal Trevor Evans was pushed into third place.

As was expected the Greens also retained the seat of Melbourne, one of the safest electorates in the country, held by the party leader.

In fact, until the 2022 Federal Election, the Greens presence in the House Of Representatives was limited to just Adam Bandt – an MP who was viewed as more of a progressive independent.

However, that has all changed in the last week. The Greens are now a major player with four MPs, and for some fucken reason – their heartland is 2000 kilometres north of the only other seat they’ve held since the party was founded in Melbourne.

There are many theories for this surprise result. Queensland voters put it down to the fact that the Queensland Greens are far more palatable than those terrace house yuppies who convoyed from Victoria to Clermont to antagonise coal miners.

Skeptics say this GREENSLAND swing could be a result of the fact that Brisbane residents didn’t have any Teal independents to vote for.

However, the most obvious factor would be that all three electorates have just experienced two once-in-a-hundred-year floods in 6 months – and the idea of free mental and dental care is actually something that appeals a lot more to voters than the ability to blow their retirement savings on a quarter of a house deposit.

Regardless of the reason, the immediate results of electing 3 Greens MPs are starting to show in the River City.

As of this morning, the Brisbane River is once again sparkling in its natural crystal blue.

It is believed that minor environmental changes – like redirecting the city’s human waste out to sea, and banning cruise ships from dumping their fuel when at dock – has changed the face of the city.

“The Brown Snake will now be known as the blue-tongue” said Adam Bandt in a press release today.

“Up next. We will tax billionaires out of existence”


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