Government Relieved To Learn People Opposing Proposed Toxic Waste Dump Are Only Rural People

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A proposed nuclear waste dump on the outskirts of our cosmopolitan desert community is causing headaches for state and local governments this week because the people who'd have to live near it don't want it there.

The government is taking steps to secure precious dumping grounds for the spent fuel rods coming out of our second-hand nuclear submarines, which are due to arrive this century. Owing to our isolation, the government has earmarked Betoota as one of the locations where this harmless nuclear waste could end up.

The idea is not popular with locals, who have told The Advocate today that the government needs to understand that people don't want to live near nuclear anything, let alone the shit that comes out of a nuclear reactor when it's no good anymore.

"It's an outrage, it is," said one local.

"Can't they just fling this stuff in the sea? People live out here, nobody lives at the bottom of the sea except for plankton and single-cell organisms. It just doesn't make sense to me."

The opposition initially concerned government, but after it was confirmed that it was merely rural people who were taking offence to this environmental vandalism, key stakeholders in the project were able to exhale.

"Thank God," said one bureaucrat.

"We were worried that we'd have to be accountable for this. But after we got told it was just landholders and small businesspeople, it certainly took a load off. These hicks always get in the way of progress. They should be happy that we're creating jobs out there for them. Who's going to look after the radiation? We don't want it falling into the wrong hands? We'll also need people to mow the new lawn there. These new workers put money back into the community there, which is what they're all banging on about. People having no money out in the bush,"

"The construction and management of this facility will create jobs. It will help us transition to cleaner energy, I think. Cleaner energy in the submarine sector, anyway. But progress is progress."

More to coe.