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The nation's investment community has been criticised for sabotaging Firmus’s proposed A$44 billion valuation by having brains that are not fucked.
The company’s planned ASX float was abandoned after fund managers repeatedly asked whether the enormous facilities underpinning its future earnings actually existed yet and why that's actually a big deal when you think about it.
"We explained that they existed in the forecasts," said one deal promoter.
"Apparently that wasn’t the same thing. We said it was like farmers pouring hundreds of thousands dollars into putting a crop in based on the BoM's so-called expert opinon that rain might come in a week or two."
Firmus, which builds specialised computing infrastructure for the AI age, had hoped to raise a paltry $7.1 billion from investors willing to accept that a company could become substantially more valuable in just a matter of months because some Yankee imperialists from Nvidia thought Firmus was worth the equivalent of a $10 bonus bet.
However, the offer encountered resistance from institutions suffering from an outdated investment practice known as research.
One fund manager reportedly ruined an entire presentation by asking who would pay for all the computers.
"The investors kept going on about ambition-stifling hogwash like construction costs, debt and cash flow," the promoter said.
"We'd already addressed those concerns with an artist's impression of a very big warehouse in some bleached anus like Port Pirie, that doesn’t exist yet."
Supporters described the withdrawal as a devastating indictment of Australia’s pathetic inability to back entrepreneurs without first angrily determining what they were buying.
"It's tall poppy syndrome," the promoter added.
"A man has a vision and everyone just wants to tear him down with questions that overseas, they don't get asked. It's a real shame."
Backers pointed to Nvidia’s involvement as proof of the investment’s appeal, noting that the chipmaker stood to benefit from the avant-garde strategy of backing a company that would probably buy an enormous number of their chips.
Firmus is now seeking private capital, with a possible Nasdaq listing offering another opportunity to locate investors who regard due diligence as a personal attack on innovation.
Management maintained that nothing had changed and nothing would change except for where they are a resident for tax purposes.
Investors said they remained enthusiastic about artificial intelligence and would reconsider once some human intelligence had been applied to the price.
More to come.
