Local off-peak holiday package telemarketer, Bryan (39) says that today’s society needs a kick up the arse, and the growing disrespect shown towards our brave men in blue is Un-Australian and disgraceful.

“Back in my day… We used to respect authority” says Bryan, referencing the wildly misplaced nostalgia that he holds for non-existent utopia of 1990s Australia, where everyone loved the police and he didn’t have 20,000 dollars worth of credit card debt and a bitch of an ex-wife that didn’t let him see his kids.

“Now they are calling for us to ‘defund the police’ – these people should be put in prison”

As Bryan points out, the conversation around police reform is one of many demands that have been made throughout the global Black Lives Matters protests over the last fortnight.

The movement calls for law enforcement bodies to address ingrained biases, to learn more about the experience of black, Indigenous and people of colour who have been subject to ongoing experiences of prejudice.

It also calls for a changes in police training, so that young cops fresh out of Oxley and Goulburn are equipped with the ‘de-escalation skills’ required to endure teenagers swearing at them without bashing the fuck out of them in full view of their own community.

However, while the recent calls for social, cultural and political reforms is only re-highlighting issues which have long existed and demanded change, the slightest mention of holding our nation’s police forces accountable for brutality or murder has struck a chord with the easily outraged Quiet Australians.

Bryan is one of these champions of common sense who can’t believe what’s happened to this once proud nation of law-abiding citizens and community-minded police officers.

However, his comments come as quite a contrast to his overt fetishisation of the folkore of Australian bushrangers and outlaws, many of whom died at the hands of overzealous cops.

When asked if he could see why his outrage towards a conversation about confronting an engrained culture of police brutality could be at odds with the full-length Ned Kelly tattoo covering his back, and the fact that he has watched the movie ‘Chopper’ over 60 times, Bryan says it’s not the same.

“Ned Kelly was a good man who was driven to crime by because he was being picked on for being Irish” he spits.

“Things were different back then. The cops were basically a colonial military force who killed him and his brothers because they hated what they represented”

“It’s completely different! Today’s protestors aren’t even Irish”

“They are just a bunch of whingeing bl…”



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