Decision To Forgo Hash Brown Immediately Regretted

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

A local man became a local idiot today by rejecting the offer of a hash brown at breakfast.

Peter Cartwright (38) was feeling a bit seedy and decided to reward his midweek drinking with an energising bacon & egger and long black that would shred through him like a blender full of lettuce.

Unfortunately for Cartwright he had a last second health kick and decided not to add a hash brown to his order like an imbecile or someone who lives constantly in a world of regret.

“Would you like to add a hash brown for just $1?” asked the takeaway shop worker, doing more of a public service than an upsale.

“Nah, I’m good thanks,” stated Cartwright, mere milliseconds away from regret.

“Fuck.”

Made from shredded potato formed into patties and fried to shatteringly crisp perfection, hash browns are often used as proof for God, but in Cartwright’s case the absence of hash browns are used for proof of his foolishness.

“I may not be a smart man but I am not a wise man.”

“Just a deadset moron.”