Dad Unable To Explain Why All Of His Favourite Bands Sing Like They Have A Mouthful Of Grapes

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Betoota Heights dad, Jeremy Ava (58) has today finally had that chat with his kids about how they wouldn’t understand.

With two sons in their late teens and a 20 something daughter, Jeremy has never felt the need to justify his completely normal Gen-X taste in music.

But with his kids now at that age where they begin exploring ‘retro’ style and culture, questions are starting to be asked about how cool dad really was – if at all.

Jeremy doesn’t need to answer these questions, but given the fact that they’ve shown interest – he figures it might be time to give them a crash course on real music

His wife, Soma (56), is not relevant to this conversation because her taste in music is purely dictated by contemporary commercial radio. This means her two favourite musicians are P!nk and Foo Fighters. While Jeremy does not dismiss the artistry of these performers – even his wife knows that she’s not really able to speak with authority on what used to be ‘in’.

With his iPhone 12 hooked up to some needlessly expensive home sound system, dad is making his children listen to multiple 5-minute songs without interruption. In fact, everyone is expected to sit in silence until their father says something like ‘wait, listen to this bit’ or ‘nobody had ever done this with a guitar before’.

His three kids and wife don’t realise how lucky they are. As dad points out, he would love nothing more than to be discovering Pearl Jam, Magic Dirt, Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Silverchair and Soundgarden for the first time.

While it cannot be argued that Jeremy’s playlist of 1990s rock music is ‘basic’ or ‘manufactured’ – there are a few questions he cannot answer.

“Dad, why did all the men used to sing like that?” asks his daughter, Ava (23).

“Like what?” asks an immediately defensive Jeremy.

“Like they have a mouthful of grapes” says his son, Rusty (19).

“Yeah. It’s like Nickelback, but not ironic” reiterates his youngest, Floyd (17).

Jeremy scoffs.

“Nickelback isn’t ironic. They are trying to be like these guys” he scowls.

It’s not a good enough answer, Jeremy continues to be interrogated over this extremely unique brand of 20th centure baritone that he is pretending is completely normal.

“Have you ever met anyone who sounds like that?” says his wife, playing devil’s advocate.

Jeremy has never been this bloody offended in his life.

“It was just what they did at the time!” he growls.

“Forget about the singing listen to the guitars and drumming. I know it’s unfathomable that a band would actually use intruments”

“You kids don’t know what a key change sounds like with all of your bloody B-Flip and and Kid Leroy!”