Word Of The Week: Apricity (The Beautiful Warmth Of The Winter Sun)
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With Naplan scores dropping and literacy seemingly slipping away in an age of autocorrect, The Betoota
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Man Smashes 100m World Record After He Hears The Garbos At 6 AM
FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact The athletic community has been shaken today by news that the World Record for the
Plot Of Movie Picked By Wife Based Solely Around “Hilarious” Misunderstanding
FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Tensions are high in the Yarvis household this week after husband Bjorn has come under
Swing Voter Momentarily Becomes Severely Right-Wing After Hippy Places Foot On Flight Arm Rest
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact “Revolting” roared Tony Atkins, an influential swing voter from North Betoota. Earlier today, Tony was sitting
Home-Cooked Meal Compensates Lack Of Taste With Sheer Quantity
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After convincing himself he is going to get a headstart on his 2025 resolutions or something
School Girl’s Popularity Surges After Whipping Out A Fresh Tube Of Paw Paw Ointment
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Private school girl Steph Edmondson today experienced an unexpected surge in popularity after whipping out a
Manly Corso Experiences First Weekend Without A Punch-On In Recorded History
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a historic first, the Manly Corso has just recorded its first-ever fight free weekend.
SAD: Today Is The Day You Would Have Quit If You Didn’t Lose Your Job Due To COVID
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT COVID-19 has taken from all of us this year. For Victorians it took seven months
Backwards Hat A Firm Indication Local Man Reckons He Must Be Pretty Good At Touch Footy
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact It has been confirmed today that Phil Thomas reckons he is pretty fucking good at touch
Steady Increase In Social Media Tagging An Indication New Romance Is Going Well
TRACEY BENDINGER | Popular Culture | Contact For Jack Coffey (28), the bravest thing he did in December 2020 was to tag
Cashed-Up Tourist’s Inability To Reverse With Trailer Brings Joy To Locals
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact “Left hand down, mate,” he yelled from the jetty. “Yeah keep going. Nah go
Tailender Plays Another Majestic Straight Drive Through Third And Fourth Slip
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet Reporter | Contact False confidence is a trait that can often be found in cricketers. It’s far
Beach Town Tourist Overwhelmed By Choices At Local Takeaway Shop
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact “I’m looking at the works burger,” he said. “With chips and few calamari