Australia’s Greatest Geopolitical Strategists Going To Waste Arguing Outside Local Hellenic Club

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

The Australian Government’s Foreign Minister, Senator Penny Wong, has this week been urged to look outside the nation’s sandstone universities in her departments efforts to recruit expert advisers.

As the War in Iran and the greater Middle East continues to escalate, there is a need for fearless and open dialogue surrounding the American industrial complex versus bloodthirsty fundamentalist regimes.

There is only one place in Australia to find such razor-sharp minds for foreign policy analysis.

While the Chinese-speaking white incels will always make up the vast majority of the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade (DFAT) – it is generally acknowledged that some of Australia’s greatest foreign political analysts aren’t even being considered due to a perceived lack of tertiary education.

For example, the eight highly emotive Greek seniors currently arguing with each other outside the Betoota Flight Path District’s Hellenic Club.

Con, Nic, Con, Nic, Con, Nic, Dimitri, and Nic (66, 82, 73, 90, 65, 78, 80, 75) seem to know a lot about the world for a group of semi-retired tradesmen who have only ever lived in two places. Namely, the Ionian Islands they were born on, and this very light industrial suburb that they migrated to in their youth.

But still, they are experts in what’s happening in the world right now, and what Australian leaders – and foreign leaders – should be doing.

Their expert topics include: US interventionist policies and how they affect Greece, the Chernobyl meltdown’s affect on Greek agriculture, the Greek economy, the Turkish economy, the Turkish military, the Turkish people, the secret Greek ancestries of the Turkish, and the complete and unabridged biographies of every single ‘strongman’ in global politics.

As it stands, they have been talking about nothing but Vladimir Putin for nearly five years - but their general knowledge of the late Ayatollah is also unprecedented.

Several of these men may disappear to tend to business matters from time to time, but always return the same glass table with a reinvigorated passion for the global politics.

Penny Wong’s office was approached for comment, with a spokesperson confirming that neither the Minister or Department have ever considered recruiting elderly Greek men who get their news exclusively from SBS and Greek language newspapers.

Their loss, says Papou.