Louis Burke | Culture | Contact

Logistics expert Oscar West (65) has had to pause his outrage over reusable plastic bags after hearing about ‘They Day,’ a day of observance for gender-neutral people who do not identify as male or female.

Although he’s yet to meet a gender-neutral person, West has been outraged by the idea that there are people who want to spread awareness about the daily adversity they face, so much so he’s completely forgotten to be mad about reusable shopping bags.

“According to Lyle Shelton the Bible says there are two genders,” stated West from a sagging armchair.

“It’s fine if someone doesn’t feel like a man or a woman but keep it to yourself and stop trying to ruin our kids.”

So serious is West’s outrage for ‘They Day’ she has cleared his schedule of posting angry comments on Coles and Woolworths Facebook pages in order to spend eight hours expressing his disdain for gender-neutral people.

“It doesn’t matter if you think you’re not either [male or female] you are as God made you and I can tell which one you are anyway so there!”

According to West, he’s not a bigot, just an ordinary Australian who values time honoured traditions such as fitting everyone into one of two categories and the continued production of an unnatural material that will break down many millennia after the last person with opinions like him has died.

“I just don’t get it, which fills me with rage,” he said.

“Not since I was told I couldn’t climb Uluru next year have I been this disappointed!”

More to come.


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