1990s Poofter Basher Didn't End Up Settling Down In A Godly Heterosexual Relationship After All

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

A man who once policed the morality of his coastal hometown with his fists, is yet to practice what he was preaching on the headlands all of those years ago.

Many locals once thought that Damien Clagg (58, warehouse manager), would become a stand out community figure - such was his reputation as a staunch defender of society's fabric.

However, as the years rolled by, Damien became less and less notable.

His transformation from a strapping local strongman into peculiar old drunk that behaved strangely around young families started slowly.

His reserve grade footy career came to an abrupt end after a couple Tongan families moved into the flats behind the local grocer. This exciting introduction of Polynesian flair resulted in Damien being bumped down a division to the early morning matches with no crowds.

To this day, he still thinks these bloody cuzzy bros have ruined the game.

One too many aggressive outbursts over drop-ins and bodyboarders at the local surf break also saw him exiled from the yahoo surfer community that he once ruled with an iron fist.

Then came his middle-aged foray into armchair politics, which saw countless afternoons at the surf club ruined by Damien parroting shock jock radio talking points, from the scourge of women's rights to his open disdain for Asians.

Unsurprisingly, this unrelenting stream of pigheaded bigotry hasn't really landed him a romantic partner. Not since he was allegedly rooting footy groupies in the sand dunes in his twenties.

For many years he kept his frequenting of the Phillipines and Thailand to himself, before gradually owning it - while also boldly claiming that any bloke with half a brain should fuck their wives off and join him because the women over there are obedient and not corrupted by this feminism bullshit.

To this day, he's never once espoused the traditional family values he claimed to be protecting in his younger days as a pseudo-vigilante homophobe who never once faced prosecution because all the local cops were footy coaches.

In fact, with marriage equality becoming enshrined into law nearly 10 years ago, Damien is far less aligned with traditional family values than the poofters he used to publicly bash out of disgust in the 1990s.

With Sydney Mardi Gras taking place this weekend, Damien will telling anyone who listens that he'd get arrested for showing pride in being straight nowadays.