RETRACTION: A Sincere Apology To The Pangolin Community

The Betoota Advocate Editorial Board

We would like to issue an unreserved apology to the global pangolin community and to those who speak on its behalf for our earlier reporting during the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic.

In particular, we regret coining and repeatedly using terms such as “pangolin’s kiss” and “pangolin’s revenge” when referring to the coronavirus. We now acknowledge that suggesting those infected with COVID-19 had been “kissed by the pangolin” was inaccurate, misleading and deeply unhelpful.

Furthermore, we apologise for implying that the pandemic began with the consumption of a medium-rare pangolin steak purchased from the Wuhan wet market. In hindsight, our depiction of the pangolin as a leathery agent of global death and destruction was both biologically implausible and journalistically reckless.

We would also like to extend an apology to the people of Melbourne, particularly the stallholders of Prahran and Queen Victoria Markets, for suggesting that these reputable establishments were home to “wet market” conditions including the unlawful sale of “pangolin chops” and “slow-roasted pangolin shoulder rolls with slaw”. These claims were not only false but also slanderous to Melbourne’s proud tradition of artisan butchery.

In light of recent findings, the pangolin has been all but ruled out as the source of SARS-CoV-2. The most likely culprits now include the raccoon dog, a species of Chinese bat, or a nefarious lab incident carried out by scientists who wanted to thin our species out a little bit. Either way, the pangolin is not to blame. We wish to make that clear.

The Betoota Advocate deeply regrets the error and we are currently in the process of reviewing our internal fact-checking procedures, namely, whether we should start having one.