China Threatens To Boycott Kangaroo Scrotum Coin Purses

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact

As tensions between Australia and China escalate, Beijing has released a statement threatening to ban Australia’s 4^th most valuable export.

The iconic kangaroo scrotum coin purse, which ranks just behind coal, iron ore, and other tourist trinkets which are technically made in China as a critical cornerstone of the export economy and a key indicator of economic stability ever since they were invented by kangaroos millions of years ago.

Made by multiple companies, the coin purses are inexplicably popular tourist souvenirs, and are sold at tourist attractions, and on ebay.

In 2008, it was estimated that more kangaroo scrotums exist outside of Australia than inside Australia, attached to the undercarriage of kangaroos.

Minister for Finance Mathias Cormann said it was critical that China-Australia relations improved immediately to prevent the collapse of the vital Kangaroo Scrotum Coin Purse Industry.

“Kangaroo Scrotum Coin Purses currently make up over 80% of our manufacturing output,” explained the nervous Finance Minister this week

“If we can’t sort this situation out then we’ll have to switch our focus back to trying to smuggle methamphetamines into China, and that hasn’t been going so great lately either.”

Although multiple kangaroos were contacted for comment, none were prepared to speak on the matter except one who mentioned something about Timmy being stuck down a well or something.