WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The United States Government has today shocked its citizens by announcing it has begun trialling free health care for broke senior citizens.
This landmark policy moment comes after one of their elderly residents whose tax returns say he might not be worth anywhere near as much as he claims to be, came down with the deadly virus over the weekend.
As a result of a powerful old white guy contracting the virus, the country is now trialling to see if maybe a decent level of health care wouldn’t be a bad thing.
Despite accusations that trying to stop someone from dying for free is full-blown communism that will inevitably result in all residents being enslaved by the radical left, some are hoping the trial leads to something a bit more.
The President officially confirmed the trial this morning out the front of the hospital he was recieving world-class 24-hour health care at.
“I am beating this virus, this awful virus. And I’m going to offer people like me a chance to get some free health care,” explained the President after theatrically ripping his face mask off less than 3 days after being diagnosed with the virus.
The President then refused to answer how the free trial would be rolled out going forward.
“It will be sorted. I’m sorting it. We can’t let this virus dominate us,” said the infectious elderly man who has been driven and choppered around by employees who are probably a pretty fair chance of picking up the virus now.
It’s still not known when other elderly people will be able to receive free quality health around the country as is the case in plenty of other countries around the world, but like he’s tax returns, the President says all will be revealed soon.
More to come.