Word Spreads Amongst Every Bloke At Wedding That The Bride's Cousin's Boyfriend Plays Off Scratch

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

There was mild fanfare at a country wedding in Betoota's outskirts over the weekend, after it became clear that a member of the bride's extended family is the type of bloke that other blokes want to have a yarn with.

After the teary ceremony, and before the dance floor opened up, word began to spread that one of the younger cousins has brought an bloke with her that is living the dream of every other bloke here.

For the first half of the afternoon, Bruno O'Leary (28, Betoota Heights) was just a run-of-the-mill plus one, enjoying the coronas and making idle chit chat with his misso's family.

However, it was his girlfriend's brother that unwittingly turned him into a celebrity for every single bloke in attendance.

"Ya know Bruno play off scratch" announced Tommy, the motor-mouth younger brother, completely unaware of the imminent hysteria he has just caused.

"That true?" asks one of the uncles, staring directly into Bruno's eyes.

Fearing that this information may take some of the thunder away from the actually matrimony, but also aware that not giving a straight answer will only result in more badgering, Bruno quietly confirms his handicap of zero.

"Fuck me!" said another uncle.

The questions come thick and fast.

"And how old are you?"

"Where do you play?"

"You'd have been playing since you were a young fella aye"

"Did your old man play?"

"Have you ever, you know, thought about doing it for a living?"

"What's Cam Smith like? Seems like a funny bugger"

Within 45 minutes, the this roaring grassfire of gossip had jumped the creek to the groom's side of the wedding. It soon became a fiery blaze of male excitement.

By the time the father of the bride's speech came along, Bruno was now worthy of being mentioned by name during the thank yous to those who had travelled to make this special day. Bruno had travelled 23 minutes. His girlfriend's uncle then took it upon himself to mention Bruno's golf handicap into the microphone, which was immediately met with cheers. Now the aunties think Bruno is worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

"Jeez, wasn't Bruno a hit!" says his girlfriend's grandmother.

"I reckon it'll be you two getting hitched next" said her mum's sister.

Bruno now realises that every single bloke he's met today is now expecting an invitation when that day comes.