Woman Forced To Put Foot Down As Local Boyfriend Actively Considers Baking Croissants

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local woman has done what many women have done before her today and come home to find her live-in boyfriend planning to do something stupid.

Wendy Mulligan said she had to put her foot down and tell her boyfriend, Martin, to wake up to himself and not make his own croissants.

“Just go down to the cafe, you fucking idiot!” she said.

“Jesus Christ, I swear you do the dumbest shit sometimes.”

Martin, in a moment of clarity, started to see the folly in his actions.

He’d been baking his own bread now for a few weeks. Each loaf was denser and gut-blockingly worse than the last. The first loaf he baked, he ate the whole loaf in a single day.

“Meaning, he’d consumed about 7 cups of flour,” she said.

“Then he started getting worried when he didn’t have a bowel movement for 9 days. Yeah, if you eat a loaf of damper bread in one sitting, you aren’t going to be going through that much toilet paper,”

“I sat silently through bread, sourdough and all the cakes. But croissants are a bridge too far.”

More to come.