Wine Snob Wanker Refuses To Hold Wine Glass Like A Normal Human

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT

Local sommelier Eugene Fowler (44) continues to insist on holding his wine glass in any way other than the normal way of holding a wine glass.

The 44 year old wine connoisseur has long raised eyebrows among his non-wine-drinking pleb friends for the way in which he holds his glass.

“Does he really have to hold it like that? It’s really jarring,” said Mathew Porch (39), a frustrated acquaintance of Eugene’s.

The unorthodox holding technique is common amongst wine snobs, who believe the technique gives them an aura of mystery and expertise.

“I’ll be honest, I mainly hold the wine glass like this so that people can ask me why I’m holding it like this… and I can explain to them that it’s actually a better way of preserving the taste of the wine, that I heard that in a wine region while ‘studying’ in Italy, and that I’m better than them,” Eugene explained before gargling a mouthful of pinot noir and spitting it into a bucket.

Mathew remains unconvinced, insisting that Eugene’s grip looks more like a desperate attempt at attention rather than a refined technique.

“He’s basically just pinching the base of the glass with two fingers and letting it wobble around like a circus act,” Mathew added, shaking his head.

Despite the complaints, Eugene remains steadfast in his commitment to unconventional glass handling, claiming it separates the true aficionados from the “casuals.”

“I mean, sure, it’s completely impractical, but so is half the shit we do in the name of culture,” he shrugged, adjusting his grip mid-sentence.

As the evening went on, Eugene continued his performance, barely touching his wine while ensuring everyone around him noticed exactly how he was holding it.