Victorian Liberals Revisit ‘The 6 O’Clock Swill’ To Win Back The Shearer’s Wives And Seventh-Day Adventists

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

A new poll has found that The Victorian Liberal Party is on track for a fourth consecutive election defeat, despite the fact that voters have made it very clear that they are not exactly that inspired by the current Labor Premier Jacinta Allan,

These very concerning numbers have forced the State’s embattled opposition to take a long hard look at who they are, and who they used to be, in a desperate effort to position themselves as even remotely electable.

Published on Tuesday, The latest Resolve data shows the Coalition’s primary support unchanged at just 33 per cent.

This is 1.5 percentage points below the result the Liberal and National parties achieved at the 2022 state election, when they won just 27 of 88 seats and Labor comfortably held onto government, even after banning voters from leaving their homes for 300 days with their wildly unpopular public health orders during the pandemic.

With Victoria’s economy still visibly struggling to bounce back from the miserable few years they spent locked down, and the suburbs now experiencing an epidemic of auto-theft and home invasions perpetrated by the same kids that had their childhoods snatched from them by an airborne respiratory infection, the Liberals had hoped things were shit enough for Labor to be given the boot regardless of who the opposition was.

However, it appears that the Liberals have failed to rebuild their brand in the 14 years they have spent in Opposition, with the party plagued by a catastrophic in-fighting and extremist Sky News ideologies that are simply unpalatable to the average tradie and nurse.

And these poor poll results look set to only pour petrol on this roaring binfire of internal divisions, which will likely become extremely public ahead of the Liberal Pary’s front bench reshuffle that was announced last Friday.

With the party’s deputy leader now suing their closest allies at the Herald Sun newspaper for defamation, and a vocal brainrot faction refusing to give up on the culture wars, the powerbrokers are hopelessly re-examining their own history to rediscover what used to work.

And it seems that banning pubs from being open after sunset might be the answer, as party leader Brad Battin vows to win back the traditional Liberal party voter base of long-suffering shearer’s wives and Episcopal Christians by reintroducing ‘the 6 o’clock swill’

“Temperance has always been at the heart of the Liberal Party’s identity. But unfortunately we lost our way by attempting to be Labor Lite” said Battin.

“We need to get back to who we really are”

Other historic Liberal policies that the party are now revisiting include mandatory National Service for school leavers, and banning the importation of colour TVs.