Vale Sir Michael Hill: Nation’s Saucy Hornbags Put Out Their Cubic Zirconia Rings In Remembrance Of Jewellery Titan

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Australia is paying tribute to one of our Kiwi cousins this afternoon as thousands of women across the country quietly place their cloudy engagement rings out beside the front door.

The touching display of suburban solidarity follows the death of New Zealand jeweller Sir Michael Hill at 85. The industry titan passed away peacefully after a decades-long campaign to convince Trans-Tasmanites that romance could be financed interest-free.

Inspired by wartime rituals and national day-of-mourning customs, women from every postcode between Ballina and Bunbury are honouring the Kiwi jewellery magnate the only way they know how, by laying their iconic Michael Hill rings beside half-empty Prosecco bottles and split boxes assorted flavoured condoms.

“It’s what he would have wanted,” said local hairdresser Akone Inbed of from Betoota Heights.

“He brought elegance into our lives. And also synthetic rubies. Rest in peace, Sir Mick. I will miss you.”

Sir Michael Hill was born in Whangārei, widely considered to be the Cairns of New Zealand, and began his business empire after giving up on a career in playing the violin. By the early 2000s, he had become the undisputed jeweller of choice for formal proposals, prison engagements, young Christian elopements and re-engagements after mutual infidelity.

The ceremonial ring-laying has been observed in both cities and regional areas, with residents encouraged to position their cubic zirconia against the wall next to the door. In true trans-Tasman fashion, many have been paired with a packet of menthol cigarettes, fake eyelash set and a printed screenshot of Hill’s “Hello, Michael Hill Jeweller” television ad.

While Australians continue to commemorate the man who gave them sparkle on a budget, tributes are also flowing in across New Zealand, where Hill is remembered as the one man who made Parnell feel like Paris.

More to come.