US Border Agent Asks Traveller If He Still Eats His Poo Because That Might Be A Problem

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A routine trip through US Customs has taken a confronting turn for one local man traveller after a border protection officer brought up a Facebook post from 2007.

Paul Cadwallader, a 34-year-old tech worker from Betootacone Valley in our town’s computer-based worker heartland, was left red-faced at LAX yesterday after being asked if he “still eats his own poo”, a reference to a status he allegedly posted as a teenager on Mark Zuckerberg’s freshly minted social media platform.

“I thought I’d deleted that years ago,” said Cadwallader, who was trying to explain he was 16 at the time, and that it was “just a dumb joke.”

Cadwallader went as far as admitting he’s not even sure he authored the post, that it may have been his younger brother Calvin or even a supposed school chum.

According to witnesses, the officer tapped away on his computer before spinning the monitor around to reveal a grainy screenshot.

“Paul Cadwallader is eating his own poo and it is yum.” It was timestamped August 5, 2007.

“Look sir,” the agent reportedly said.

“I don’t care what you do in Australia, but if you’re still into this kind of thing, that could be a problem for us here.”

Cadwallader was then escorted to a secondary inspection room where officials asked further questions about his sexual orientation, vaccination history and who he voted for in the previous US election. Despite not being a citizen.

The Betoota Heights resident said he was eventually allowed entry after convincing the officers that he grew out of his poo eating and now functions at a level deemed appropriate for independent, unescorted travel in the lower 48 states.

Still, Cadwallader admits the experience has changed him.

“I’m never posting again. Not that I have in about ten years. But these blokes know everything,” he said.

When contacted for comment, the Department of Homeland Security confirmed they take social media activity very seriously and advised all travellers to think twice before coming to America.

More to come.