Uncle Brags About Highly Anti-Social Levels Of Bintang Consumption In World Travel Chat

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Uncle Tommy ‘Chirpy’ Chirphurst (57) has let it be known he’s a man of the world too by sharing a horrifically inappropriate story about his highly antisocial levels of Bintang consumption while in Bali.

Like a lot of uncles who turn into a yarn machine at BBQs, Chirpy has made so many trips to Bali that he is unable to count them even if he had managed to have a zero blood alcohol level at any point in the Indonesian province.

While Chirpy is aware that Bali is full of cultural experiences and natural beauty, he prefers to treat it like a cheaper version of The Purge, leaving a broken green mile of Bintang bottles in his wake.

“Me and your old man, oh boy we used to be pissing Bintang by the end of it,” stated Chirpy, about to tell a story that would traumatise his nieces and nephews.

“They used to come with a singlet but it’s changed, you got to pay extra for that now. You’d only get one use out of it because we’d’ve chundered all over it by the end of the night.”

“Back then Kuta was like this little coastal town where you could get all your basic needs met; liquids coming in and liquids coming out – hey hey!”

“That’s the thing about these new craft beers these days, they just haven’t made anything good as a Bintang have they? You can have one of these new fangled city crafty beers but Bintang goes down so easy you can literally knock it back while you’re spewing your stomach lining up, which for the record I have done.”

“One time, I even tried that lemon ones they make for girls. Wasn’t bad actually, but I wouldn’t try anything that wild again, once was enough.”