“You Don’t See Many Boys Like My Son Taking Part In This!” Says Clueless Old Bastard Whose Son Snorts The Cocaine And Smokes The Cigarettes That Fuel This Ongoing Gang War In Sydney

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A wealthy eastern suburbs retiree has this week declared that young men like his son Alistair (Ali) are not the type to get caught up in Sydney’s ongoing gang violence, despite his son’s central role in sustaining the very trade that keeps the bullets flying.

Speaking to The Advocate from his named-property home overlooking the harbour, 70-year-old financier and alumnus of Betoota Gove’s exclusive Whooton School, Ross Fairchild, said the problem “isn’t in our suburbs.”

“It’s always the same people,” said Ross.

“Paul Keating’s ongoing gift to the nation. You don’t see blokes from Vaucluse or Rose Bay out there shooting each other. It’s the other crowd. The ones who never quite integrated.”

Ross’ son Ali, however, has done more than most to keep Sydney’s underworld in business. The 26-year-old digital strategist and Bondi resident is known for his steady cocaine consumption and penchant for cheap imported cigarettes that he buys from one of the 192 new tobacconists east of Hyde Park.

Court records show Ali received a Section 10 for cocaine possession in 2019, which he told his father was “entrapment” and the police planted the drugs on him “because he’s a Fairchild.”

Friends describe him as “sensitive soul” who often gets chock full of gear and lectures others about sustainability, human rights abuses, mouth-breathing conservative politicians and fair trade while flicking butts off his balcony.

Despite mounting evidence, Ross remains convinced his son represents “the right sort of Australia.”

“My Ali wouldn’t get mixed up in that rubbish,” he said.

“He’s a gentleman. Good Whooton lad. Works hard, plays hard. Didn’t put his hand out for a house deposit, we had to force one on him because he could only afford to buy a unit in Randwick,  Catholic shithole. We wanted him closer in Bondi.”

At the time of print, Ross was still shaking his head and laughing to himself at the prospect of his Ali getting involved in gang violence.

More to come.