Western Australia Reports Zero Cases Of Decent Beer

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Like most overseas tourists, COVID-19 hasn’t bothered to make much of a trip to Western Australia, a state that has recorded 953 CoronaVirus cases and a total of nine deaths.

Unfortunately for the Wildflower State one metric refuses to budge.

Western Australia is yet to report one solitary case of decent beer.

“I think we gave up trying after Swan Gold failed to attract trendy women types,” stated Perth based beer expert Scott Croft.

“We’ve survived drought, fires and Troy Buswell but we don’t have a decent drop to show for it.”

In response to the findings, Governor of WA Kim Beazley called the claims ‘incongruous babble’ before calling an emergency press conference featuring himself standing on a slab of Emu Export.

“The Easterners are reporting 0 cases of decent beer in our Golden State of copiousness but their obfuscation will not distract from the delectation of our apotheosized beverages,” stated Beazley while holding an unopened tin upside down.

“Mmm, now that’s a piquant potable.”

Unfortunately for Western Australian brewers, the testimony of Kim Beazley has seen overall sales decrease by 80%.