Victoria Politely Asks Rest Of Nation To Stop Referring To It As “Australia’s Florida”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Victoria has recorded 484 new cases of the pangolin’s kiss today, which has caused many in the sunny north to refer to the state as ‘Australia’s Flordia’.

That title is not constructive or funny, says the Victorian Government, who today were forced again to defend their handling of the coronavirus.

“Please stop referring to Victoria as ‘Australia’s Florida’,” said Daniel Andrews, the defacto leader of the state.

“We have been the butt of the jokes for too long. Things are serious now and people are dying. There’s a lot of difference between Florida and Victoria. We were expecting to see these numbers today,”

“Florida was not. Simple as that. So please stop taking the piss out of Victoria. Think of all the good things we do for the rest of you. We give so much of our GST to Queensland because their hospitals need it because that’s where people go to retire. Old people cost a lot to keep alive, evidently. And our unique brand of football,”

“We make shows that are shown all over the country. Remember House Husbands? That was filmed in Melbourne. The first Underbelly? Melbourne. So please, just support us. We need your help, not your jokes.”

More to come.