Vatican Conclave Somehow Vastly More Diverse Than The Liberal Party’s Leadership Ballot

EFFIE BATEMAN

Lifestyle

As the Catholic Church prepares for its next papal conclave a.k.a the world’s most secret election, it has inadvertently upstaged the Australian Liberal Party in terms of diversity, as cardinals of all different ages and ethnic backgrounds arrive to vote in the next pope.

Despite being a 2,000-year-old institution largely allergic to change, the Vatican has still managed to assemble a selection of candidates from Europe, Asia, Latin America and Africa.

In contrast, the Liberals have now whittled down their leader options to just three candidates, all of whom likely don’t consume scoville scales much hotter than sriracha.

The frontrunner, Andrew Hastie, MP for Canning, yesterday announced that he would be withdrawing himself from the running of becoming the next Liberal leader, leaving Angus Taylor, Dan Tehan and Sussan Ley as the ones most likely to replace Peter Dutton.

This comes as the Liberals start to realise that having a party filled predominantly with middle aged white men doesn’t exactly endear them to voters, as female MPs have swept up more seats than ever this election.

So to compensate, they’ve offered one middle aged white woman as a candidate to keep those pesky female voters happy. However, it’s unknown at this point if the Liberals will abandon the culture wars and attempt to become more centre right, by taking on more socially and environmentally progressive politics like the Teals, or take Gina Rinehart’s advice by going harder on the Trumpian style politics.

It’s unknown when the decision will be made, but it’s estimated the process will take between one to two weeks.

More to come.